Fear and Time

I am the kind of person who tends to overbook myself and then I leave myself no time to do things I want to do. Then, when I do have time, all I want to do is rest.  Now with the breast issue back I feel hopeless, I feel like every time I am up, something knocks me back down again! I do not have time to be laid up with any kind of illness much less an infection that could cause me to be admitted to a hospital!  This is a bad time for me...this time of year is full of things that are important.  Andrew's birthday was yesterday, Mckenzee's is next month on the 19th.  Andrew starts school on the 30th, then before I know it it is going to be Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas as well as a few more birthdays too.  I can say this though, if I end up in the hospital I am going to have them take out the breast.  They told me the last time I was there that that may end up being the only way to keep the infection away.  I don't care anymore.  The doctor that I had last time severed a nerve and I have very limited feeling in that breast, I was also told I would probably not ever breast feed with it ever again.  So they can take it, they can honestly do whatever it would take to make sure the infection stays away.  Let's hope it does not come down to that though!  I am trying my best not to focus on it but it is hard with the sharp pains whenever I move...hell even when I breathe!  

On a slightly brighter note, the other problem I had has taken a hiatus, perhaps just to give my pain the forefront but I am not complaining that it is gone.  However, since that problem is gone for now maybe it is time to try for another little one...I really want another one.  I had a dream the other night that involved another little girl, I had named her Emylee Rose and she looked just like her big sister Mckenzee!  She was so sweet and small and precious that I almost thought my dream was real...of course then my alarm went off and that was the end of that lol.  Who knows it could happen someday!  More later faithfuls!